Excuse the dust

In the move I guess I superfluously thought that by leaving a nice clean little link behind, you would all be directed over to my new blog. However it was brought to my attention that the link did not work, and for the love of god I cannot figure out why I have so much trouble with links. RIDOCULOUS!

Anyway - here is the new address : myorganizedchaos.wordpress.com

Go. Shoe. Get outta here.
Nothing to see here.

Peace!

I'm Out

I'm moving!!! I will no longer be maintaining this blog site or posting here. In all actuality, I will probably be removing the blog all together in the next few weeks (I will give my readers time to follow me!) :)

The new site is My Organized Chaos - Click to go check it out!!!Why am I moving? First, I really like the format and features of word press over blogger. Second, I can password protect individual posts over there, whichI really like. Some parts of this blog is meant only for family and close friends, not the free world and the blog stalkers I have. Third, this is not an infertility blog anymore. The new blog is not going to be only about IVF, pregnancy, and the baby. It will be about my life as a stay at home mom, my family dynamic of being both a birth mom and a step mom, both an ex wife and a current wife, it will be about all my kids not just Ashton, it will be about marriage, specifically MY marriage, about relationships and making it work despite all the things working against our odds (such as being a blended family, a second marriage, a one income family, etc.) It will be about starting over with a new baby when we have older children already. There will be posts about breastfeeding, body after baby, milestones, vaccines, attachment parenting, diaper changes. There will also be posts about shopping, coffee drinking, wine tasting, and brand names. It will be about the trials and tribulations of people in my life and my feelings about them. There might be some interesting posts about what it might be like to watch from the outside as a man learns that his partner of 13 years, his wife, the mother of his children, has been having an affair in their home with a woman . A woman who was the husband's friend for 8 years. Who he hired to work with him. Who he welcomed into his home during her life threatening illness. Interesting things........

It will be about my life.

So head on over. Check it out. Leave a comment letting me know you moved with me. And most importantly, if you want access to the protected posts, email me or leave a comment so I can add you to my list of notifications, so that you will get the passwords to the posts once I post them. That is of utmost importance if you are in the circle of trust. You know who you are,

Mother's Day

My 12th Mother's Day as a mommy. My 11th with 2 children. My first with Ashton. My 7th as Chris's partner, my 4th as his wife. It was such an amazing day.

First - the gifts. I do love a good spoiling! I got a pair of awesome coach shoes - not signature ones as I do think those are quite ugly, but very super cute heels that are adorable. A pair of Coach sunglasses with a signature hard case that perfectly matches my diaper bag and wristlet (wallet). A pair of my favorite jeans - True Religion. And the topper - my nose pierced! That is something I have wanted since mid-pregnancy but couldn't get then for obvious reasons. My husband has always thought little tiny studs in the nose are super cute, and I think they are cute as well and also good for my nearing mid-life crisis, haha. So I casually mentioned in the car today that it would be fun to get my nose done for Mother's Day. He didn't confirm or deny this, so I forgot about it too. Then about a half hour later we pull into the tat shop. I'm like - ok, guess this is happening now. So I go in and 10 minutes later I emerge with an adorable little tiny pink stud. And I am so fantastically cute now I can hardly stand myself!

I got taken out to dinner Friday night, brunch Saturday, dinner Saturday night, breakfast Sunday morning, and dinner Sunday night. Nevermind losing pregnancy weight - this weekend was a "well I am nursing and you know lactating women are supposed to eat an additional 500 calories per day" kind of weekend. So I got to see all kinds of family from near and far and celebrate the wonderful joys of being a mother and of being a new mother also.

Chris was amazing all weekend. We shopped and shopped, he carted me to every store I requested. Then when I just wanted to sit outside and people watch but it had to be by a Starbucks so I could have my tropical tea and it had to be my Marshalls because they had shoes I wanted and it had to be in a busy place so I could see lots of interesting people, he found the perfect spot and sat with me and never complained. And of course he commented properly throughout the day both on how cute my nose was and how amazing I looked in my new jeans. The perfect husband I tell you for the hundreth time. Manufique!!!

Then we got the boys and they had a little celebration with me with cupcakes and songs and I opened their wonderful school made presents - a flower vase from Zachary and a painted picture in a frame from Dylan. Too sweet. My kiddos Tay and Al picked out the most amazing sweet cards that they bought with their own money and they wrote very nice things in them. My grandma got me big pot of gardenias to plant. Ashton was perfect all day long - he even gave me a 4 hour nursing break for the first time. So to reward him and make me happy, I bought him $70 worth of more clothes. LOL. My grandma thinks he will outgrow his clothes before he can wear them all. Not if I change him 3 times a day I tell her! And I will, I do. I LOVE being a mommy!!!!

Life with baby

It is 11:00 p.m. and I am in bed in the middle of two of the most important people in the world to me. Chris has just fallen asleep on one side, his head on my shoulder and his arm around me with his hand laying on the other person, my brand new son who is on my other side, with his face touching my side, his arms wrapped together, looking as angelic as anything I have ever seen.

My other 4 children are tucked safely away in their beds, my dog is on the floor, and I just have to say that life cannot possibly ever get any better than this.

Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

Dairy Queen open 24 hours!

I am officially a dairy queen. My son LOVES the boob! I am so glad!!!!!! We are nursing pro's and I could not be happier. Although I have never had any issues whatsoever with nursing, there is always that little bit of anxiety that the baby wont catch on. Well Ashton caught on!

We are doing wonderfully all the way around. Having a baby is like riding a bike - it all just comes right back to you. Being a new parent is the most amazing thing in the world. I cannot tell you how much love I feel for this little guy. And when his daddy looks at him it melts my heart. I am telling you I get tears in my eyes with how amazing Chris is with Ash. Ashton is such a lucky boy to have such an amazing father!

The kids are adjusting unbelievably well also. Alex absolutly LOVES his little brother. He even called me last weekend and asked to talk to Ashton. I put the phone to Ashton's ear and he totally listened to Alex. It was awesome. Taylor is the best helper too. She will sit in the backseat with him while I drive, she holds him for me while I make dinner, she just loves to have him lay on her. Zach's favorite thing is to hold Ashton. He loves it. Dylan likes to sing to him and probably the cutest thing is he calls him "Ashton Taylor" which is totally adorable. If Ash cries Dylan wants to know why. And he automatically knows to be gentle with him - we have never once had to tell Dyl to be careful or soft or anything. But he kisses him so sweetly and talks in a low voice to him and pats him really softly. Today he tried to wiggle Ashton's car seat because that is what I do when he cries while we are driving. Dylan did it all by himself and I caught him in the rear view mirror. It was too cute.

I love attachment parenting. It feels so right. We are so bonded already that Ashton immediatly stops crying as soon as I pick him up or take him from someone. It is instant. We even took video of it because it is so funny how he stops the second he is in my arms. So special. I could not have imagined things to be any better.

Quick Update

Things are still going wonderful. Ashton is eating really well which I am so happy about. Even though I never had any issues with nursing my other two, I think there is always some aprehension that something might not go well. It is worrisome knowing that your body has to work right or else your little baby will starve! He poops at almost every feeding and his diapers are always wet, so we know he is getting enough from just me. He is staying awake longer and longer every day, just staring at us and listening to us ramble on to him. I swear I never stop talking to the kid. This morning as Ash, Chris, and I were waking up I had Ashton laying up on my legs and Chris was talking to him and he got the biggest smile on his face, it was so freaking adorable. Then Chris said the same thing to him again and he totally smiled again. They are so cute. Whenever Ash hears Chris talking his eyes get all big and he starts looking all around for his voice. He sleeps pretty well but we think he has his days and nights mixed up, because he nurses and goes to sleep almost all day long, but at night after he nurses he wants to stay up for a little bit. But today he was just up for like an hour until about 7:30 so I'm hoping that tuckered him out and he will sleep longer tonight. Usually at about 11:00 p.m. he wakes up and wants to just be held awake. Then after his 4 or 5 a.m. feeding he goes back to a deep sleep. He has been cluster feeding from midnight to 4 a.m. which means he just wants to nurse constantly. But I sleep and he does his thing so it works well.

As far as me, I am recovering nicely. All my steri-strips are off and I got to see my scar for the first time - it doesn't look too bad. It is longer than I thought it would be, but it is healing very well. The incision on the inside seems to bother me more than the one on the outside. But all in all it's not too bad. It has been so nice having Chris home and my mom here. I haven't had to do anything at all, so I can take things slow and I think that has really helped with the recovery. I feel no stress at all, and I can do whatever I want all day long. I have been trying to get out at least once a day, so we go to the mall or BRU or the bookstore. It's fun.

We love our son more than anything. Most of the day I just stare at him, or rock him and look out the window totally peaceful with myself and with life. I am the post-partum haze. I just want to look at my baby, be with my husband, hug and kiss the older kids, I am completely relaxed and mellow. I am happier than I remember being ever - and I am a very happy person with a very complete and happy life. But something about Ashton, being pregnant with him and having him, has changed me. I feel more at peace, less aggressive and more mellow. I don't care about so many small things that used to get on my nerves, I am peaceful and calm and just, happy. I have seen and felt the great amount of love my husband feels for me, I see it when he looks at his new son.

Honestly. I am so just in love with my life and everyone in it. I feel a peace in myself that I don't remember being there before. I owe that to my new son, he really has changed me.

Unbelievable

There is no possible way that life could get any more awesome or more amazing or more perfect than it is right now. Our little boy is so precious. He is perfect. He is wonderful.

Being home from the hospital has been great. Ashton is nursing perfectly. He sleeps right next to me and we side-lie nurse at night so we have been getting pretty regular sleep for the most part. I get up a little to get Ash all settled on the breast, and I stare at him for a while, and then I doze off until he is ready to switch sides, then I burp him and stare at him some more, Chris wakes up and burps him a little bit, stares at him, we stare at him together, then I get him settled on the other side and we repeat the process. Mostly we just like to stare at him, and kiss him, and just be amazed in general that we created this little baby.

We have had visitors every day since I have been home, which hasn't been too bad because they stay only an hour or two and really it is nice just to have people over to sit around. I am not trying to cook and entertain, no one expects me to do anything but sit with them and no one wants to do anything but sit with the baby. My mom is a huge help as are my kids. They fight a little over who get to hold Ashton and who just held him and who has been holding him longer... but it is cute because they just love their new brother so much and want to be with him. This little boy has so much love all around him.

Chris has of course been awesome. I feel so redundant even talking about him because I'm always saying the same thing. What has been cool is since we have so many people in the house, other people see and observe how wonderful Chris is. It is so neat to have people come up to me and say "He is pretty special" "Chris is so good" "You are pretty lucky to have found that one" - all things I know but it is always nice to hear. He loves his new son so much. It is adorable too everytime Ash cries (the only time is when he is getting his diaper and clothes changed) Chris sings "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" to him. He sings "it's root, root, root for the Yankees" - SO cute. Ash stares up at him while he sings to him. I am so happy that Chris is the father of my baby. I am so happy that he is my husband. I am so happy at everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, things are going awesome. I couldn't ask for anything else.