Excuse the dust

In the move I guess I superfluously thought that by leaving a nice clean little link behind, you would all be directed over to my new blog. However it was brought to my attention that the link did not work, and for the love of god I cannot figure out why I have so much trouble with links. RIDOCULOUS!

Anyway - here is the new address : myorganizedchaos.wordpress.com

Go. Shoe. Get outta here.
Nothing to see here.

Peace!

I'm Out

I'm moving!!! I will no longer be maintaining this blog site or posting here. In all actuality, I will probably be removing the blog all together in the next few weeks (I will give my readers time to follow me!) :)

The new site is My Organized Chaos - Click to go check it out!!!Why am I moving? First, I really like the format and features of word press over blogger. Second, I can password protect individual posts over there, whichI really like. Some parts of this blog is meant only for family and close friends, not the free world and the blog stalkers I have. Third, this is not an infertility blog anymore. The new blog is not going to be only about IVF, pregnancy, and the baby. It will be about my life as a stay at home mom, my family dynamic of being both a birth mom and a step mom, both an ex wife and a current wife, it will be about all my kids not just Ashton, it will be about marriage, specifically MY marriage, about relationships and making it work despite all the things working against our odds (such as being a blended family, a second marriage, a one income family, etc.) It will be about starting over with a new baby when we have older children already. There will be posts about breastfeeding, body after baby, milestones, vaccines, attachment parenting, diaper changes. There will also be posts about shopping, coffee drinking, wine tasting, and brand names. It will be about the trials and tribulations of people in my life and my feelings about them. There might be some interesting posts about what it might be like to watch from the outside as a man learns that his partner of 13 years, his wife, the mother of his children, has been having an affair in their home with a woman . A woman who was the husband's friend for 8 years. Who he hired to work with him. Who he welcomed into his home during her life threatening illness. Interesting things........

It will be about my life.

So head on over. Check it out. Leave a comment letting me know you moved with me. And most importantly, if you want access to the protected posts, email me or leave a comment so I can add you to my list of notifications, so that you will get the passwords to the posts once I post them. That is of utmost importance if you are in the circle of trust. You know who you are,

Mother's Day

My 12th Mother's Day as a mommy. My 11th with 2 children. My first with Ashton. My 7th as Chris's partner, my 4th as his wife. It was such an amazing day.

First - the gifts. I do love a good spoiling! I got a pair of awesome coach shoes - not signature ones as I do think those are quite ugly, but very super cute heels that are adorable. A pair of Coach sunglasses with a signature hard case that perfectly matches my diaper bag and wristlet (wallet). A pair of my favorite jeans - True Religion. And the topper - my nose pierced! That is something I have wanted since mid-pregnancy but couldn't get then for obvious reasons. My husband has always thought little tiny studs in the nose are super cute, and I think they are cute as well and also good for my nearing mid-life crisis, haha. So I casually mentioned in the car today that it would be fun to get my nose done for Mother's Day. He didn't confirm or deny this, so I forgot about it too. Then about a half hour later we pull into the tat shop. I'm like - ok, guess this is happening now. So I go in and 10 minutes later I emerge with an adorable little tiny pink stud. And I am so fantastically cute now I can hardly stand myself!

I got taken out to dinner Friday night, brunch Saturday, dinner Saturday night, breakfast Sunday morning, and dinner Sunday night. Nevermind losing pregnancy weight - this weekend was a "well I am nursing and you know lactating women are supposed to eat an additional 500 calories per day" kind of weekend. So I got to see all kinds of family from near and far and celebrate the wonderful joys of being a mother and of being a new mother also.

Chris was amazing all weekend. We shopped and shopped, he carted me to every store I requested. Then when I just wanted to sit outside and people watch but it had to be by a Starbucks so I could have my tropical tea and it had to be my Marshalls because they had shoes I wanted and it had to be in a busy place so I could see lots of interesting people, he found the perfect spot and sat with me and never complained. And of course he commented properly throughout the day both on how cute my nose was and how amazing I looked in my new jeans. The perfect husband I tell you for the hundreth time. Manufique!!!

Then we got the boys and they had a little celebration with me with cupcakes and songs and I opened their wonderful school made presents - a flower vase from Zachary and a painted picture in a frame from Dylan. Too sweet. My kiddos Tay and Al picked out the most amazing sweet cards that they bought with their own money and they wrote very nice things in them. My grandma got me big pot of gardenias to plant. Ashton was perfect all day long - he even gave me a 4 hour nursing break for the first time. So to reward him and make me happy, I bought him $70 worth of more clothes. LOL. My grandma thinks he will outgrow his clothes before he can wear them all. Not if I change him 3 times a day I tell her! And I will, I do. I LOVE being a mommy!!!!

Life with baby

It is 11:00 p.m. and I am in bed in the middle of two of the most important people in the world to me. Chris has just fallen asleep on one side, his head on my shoulder and his arm around me with his hand laying on the other person, my brand new son who is on my other side, with his face touching my side, his arms wrapped together, looking as angelic as anything I have ever seen.

My other 4 children are tucked safely away in their beds, my dog is on the floor, and I just have to say that life cannot possibly ever get any better than this.

Oh, I can't believe it's happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this

Dairy Queen open 24 hours!

I am officially a dairy queen. My son LOVES the boob! I am so glad!!!!!! We are nursing pro's and I could not be happier. Although I have never had any issues whatsoever with nursing, there is always that little bit of anxiety that the baby wont catch on. Well Ashton caught on!

We are doing wonderfully all the way around. Having a baby is like riding a bike - it all just comes right back to you. Being a new parent is the most amazing thing in the world. I cannot tell you how much love I feel for this little guy. And when his daddy looks at him it melts my heart. I am telling you I get tears in my eyes with how amazing Chris is with Ash. Ashton is such a lucky boy to have such an amazing father!

The kids are adjusting unbelievably well also. Alex absolutly LOVES his little brother. He even called me last weekend and asked to talk to Ashton. I put the phone to Ashton's ear and he totally listened to Alex. It was awesome. Taylor is the best helper too. She will sit in the backseat with him while I drive, she holds him for me while I make dinner, she just loves to have him lay on her. Zach's favorite thing is to hold Ashton. He loves it. Dylan likes to sing to him and probably the cutest thing is he calls him "Ashton Taylor" which is totally adorable. If Ash cries Dylan wants to know why. And he automatically knows to be gentle with him - we have never once had to tell Dyl to be careful or soft or anything. But he kisses him so sweetly and talks in a low voice to him and pats him really softly. Today he tried to wiggle Ashton's car seat because that is what I do when he cries while we are driving. Dylan did it all by himself and I caught him in the rear view mirror. It was too cute.

I love attachment parenting. It feels so right. We are so bonded already that Ashton immediatly stops crying as soon as I pick him up or take him from someone. It is instant. We even took video of it because it is so funny how he stops the second he is in my arms. So special. I could not have imagined things to be any better.

Quick Update

Things are still going wonderful. Ashton is eating really well which I am so happy about. Even though I never had any issues with nursing my other two, I think there is always some aprehension that something might not go well. It is worrisome knowing that your body has to work right or else your little baby will starve! He poops at almost every feeding and his diapers are always wet, so we know he is getting enough from just me. He is staying awake longer and longer every day, just staring at us and listening to us ramble on to him. I swear I never stop talking to the kid. This morning as Ash, Chris, and I were waking up I had Ashton laying up on my legs and Chris was talking to him and he got the biggest smile on his face, it was so freaking adorable. Then Chris said the same thing to him again and he totally smiled again. They are so cute. Whenever Ash hears Chris talking his eyes get all big and he starts looking all around for his voice. He sleeps pretty well but we think he has his days and nights mixed up, because he nurses and goes to sleep almost all day long, but at night after he nurses he wants to stay up for a little bit. But today he was just up for like an hour until about 7:30 so I'm hoping that tuckered him out and he will sleep longer tonight. Usually at about 11:00 p.m. he wakes up and wants to just be held awake. Then after his 4 or 5 a.m. feeding he goes back to a deep sleep. He has been cluster feeding from midnight to 4 a.m. which means he just wants to nurse constantly. But I sleep and he does his thing so it works well.

As far as me, I am recovering nicely. All my steri-strips are off and I got to see my scar for the first time - it doesn't look too bad. It is longer than I thought it would be, but it is healing very well. The incision on the inside seems to bother me more than the one on the outside. But all in all it's not too bad. It has been so nice having Chris home and my mom here. I haven't had to do anything at all, so I can take things slow and I think that has really helped with the recovery. I feel no stress at all, and I can do whatever I want all day long. I have been trying to get out at least once a day, so we go to the mall or BRU or the bookstore. It's fun.

We love our son more than anything. Most of the day I just stare at him, or rock him and look out the window totally peaceful with myself and with life. I am the post-partum haze. I just want to look at my baby, be with my husband, hug and kiss the older kids, I am completely relaxed and mellow. I am happier than I remember being ever - and I am a very happy person with a very complete and happy life. But something about Ashton, being pregnant with him and having him, has changed me. I feel more at peace, less aggressive and more mellow. I don't care about so many small things that used to get on my nerves, I am peaceful and calm and just, happy. I have seen and felt the great amount of love my husband feels for me, I see it when he looks at his new son.

Honestly. I am so just in love with my life and everyone in it. I feel a peace in myself that I don't remember being there before. I owe that to my new son, he really has changed me.

Unbelievable

There is no possible way that life could get any more awesome or more amazing or more perfect than it is right now. Our little boy is so precious. He is perfect. He is wonderful.

Being home from the hospital has been great. Ashton is nursing perfectly. He sleeps right next to me and we side-lie nurse at night so we have been getting pretty regular sleep for the most part. I get up a little to get Ash all settled on the breast, and I stare at him for a while, and then I doze off until he is ready to switch sides, then I burp him and stare at him some more, Chris wakes up and burps him a little bit, stares at him, we stare at him together, then I get him settled on the other side and we repeat the process. Mostly we just like to stare at him, and kiss him, and just be amazed in general that we created this little baby.

We have had visitors every day since I have been home, which hasn't been too bad because they stay only an hour or two and really it is nice just to have people over to sit around. I am not trying to cook and entertain, no one expects me to do anything but sit with them and no one wants to do anything but sit with the baby. My mom is a huge help as are my kids. They fight a little over who get to hold Ashton and who just held him and who has been holding him longer... but it is cute because they just love their new brother so much and want to be with him. This little boy has so much love all around him.

Chris has of course been awesome. I feel so redundant even talking about him because I'm always saying the same thing. What has been cool is since we have so many people in the house, other people see and observe how wonderful Chris is. It is so neat to have people come up to me and say "He is pretty special" "Chris is so good" "You are pretty lucky to have found that one" - all things I know but it is always nice to hear. He loves his new son so much. It is adorable too everytime Ash cries (the only time is when he is getting his diaper and clothes changed) Chris sings "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" to him. He sings "it's root, root, root for the Yankees" - SO cute. Ash stares up at him while he sings to him. I am so happy that Chris is the father of my baby. I am so happy that he is my husband. I am so happy at everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, things are going awesome. I couldn't ask for anything else.

Beyond Proud

Our angel is here.

We have a brand new baby boy - Ashton Taylor.

He was born into this world April 10, 2008 at 5:11 p.m. via c-section. He weighed in at 7 pounds 2 ounces and was 19.5 inches long. He is absolutly the most amazing little baby boy ever. He is so perfect, and daddy and mommy just can't get enough of him.

Life is so amazing - I cannot believe how lucky I am.

I am having a baby. Today. Holy shit.

This is so weird! I am having a baby today.

My wonderful amazing husband woke me up by whispering into my ear "We are having our baby today!" So sweet. He has been up since like 6, got all the kids ready and took them to school. He keeps saying things like "Today is a GREAT day for a birthday!" "I have to go to Lowes to plant flowers for the baby to come home to!" "No more belly after today" (as he is rubbing it). I honestly, in 8 years, have never seen him like this. When we got married it was exciting but different because we were in Hawaii and it was just the 2 of us, he was so kind and considerate to me by carrying my train and all that, but today he is just ....... different. Giddy almost. Like a child. It's so cool.

My sweet baby boys, Alex and Zach, knew I had to eat before 9:00 a.m. So before they left for school they knocked on my door and had made me breakfast in bed. They both made me cards that said "Good luck MOM!" and "See you at the hospital!" They are so super excited to come to the hospital after school and meet their new brother or sister. It is so wonderful to see the excitment on their faces.

My precious daughter is so helpful to me, as always. She wanted to be at the hospital with me the whole time, she wants to stay the night with me there, she wants to help with everything. Last night she washed one last load of baby blankets for me without being asked to. She is the most amazing child. I am so blessed and lucky to have a daughter who is like her. If the baby is a girl, I hope she takes after her sister.

So, I am off to get some last minute things ready for our big adventure in a few hours. Chris just got home from taking the dog to the park and we are going to get flowers. We will plant them for our brand new baby, our Spring baby, OUR baby. It is still so surreal to both of us that we are having a baby. We are so giddy with anticipation. We look at each other this morning, and just start laughing.

Chris has been through one c-section with the boys so I keep asking him all these questions about it. Even though it was 13 years ago - it is nice to know that he has actually been there done that - so I wont have to worry about him not knowing what to expect and he wont be surprised by stuff. He does really well in those settings, but he gets a little wigged out when they stick me with needles for IV's and stuff because he hates to see me in pain. And they never get it on the first try. So the fact that he knows what to expect with them cutting me open and all that is nice.

We also are going to tell the doctor not to tell us the sex of the baby - we want him to just hold the baby up so we can both see at the same time. The anticipation of THAT is almost as bad as the anticipation of the c-section. Today will be an interesting day!

My Wonderful Husband

I just had to make a side note about how great Chris is and how lucky I am to have him. He has been so amazing throughout this pregnancy - and today especially since we found out we are having the baby tomorrow. He asked me to check an email for him on his work email - so I did and one of the ones in the inbox was a respnse to a mass email he had sent to his entire work (about 450 people). It was saying how we are having the c-section tomorow and how excited and nervous he is and that he is so happy right now and all these really nice things. He signed it "New Dad" ... awwww.

This isn't the first time he has done the email thing - he sent another mass one with the 4d pics of the baby, and before that the regular ultrasound pics, and before that the first ultrasound pics when the baby still looked like a tadpole. He is so stoked, and it is so awesome. Some may think after 4 babies that the 5th one would not be as exciting. But not this time. He was so amazing last night, we were in bed going to sleep and he kept kissing my neck and shoulders and telling me how happy I have made him, how amazing our marriage is, how content he is that he has found such a perfect and wonderful love. It is so wonderful to be loved so much and appreciated so much by such a great man. That man could have any woman he wanted - and he has chosen me. I feel so blessed and lucky.

He left work for the appt. (which he has not missed one of!), took me to lunch to celebrate the birth of our baby tomorrow, and then had flowers sent to the house right after he left to go back to work. I got them at like 11:45 and we had just left each other at 11 or so. Then he came home early from work because he is too excited to concentrate! He has been doing all kinds of things around the house - changed the headlight on the car, the brakelight on the truck, mowed the front lawn, packed some stuff for the hospital, I think he is nesting!!

2 of my sisters-in-law have called me and have told me that when they talked to Chris they could tell how excited he was for this. They both told me I am very lucky to have him. It is always so nice that people see the tremendous love he has for me and that we have for each other.

I just wanted to get this out so Baby G can always have something to look back on not only to see how excited mommy was for his/her birth, but that its daddy is just as excited too! And nervous as well!!! Yes, I am nervous, but knowing that I will have that man right by side, looking into my eyes, whispering to me, telling me everything will be okay, holding my hand and rubbing my face, I can get through anything with him by my side. I am so blessed to be having his child, a child we tried so hard for and wanted so badly.

I have to pinch myself sometimes that I am this lucky. Now I am going to go downstairs because I smell that he has started dinner (my job!). He is too awesome.

Baby Time

Tomorrow it is. April 10, 2008 my baby will be welcomed into the world. My c-section is scheduled for 5:00 p.m. and I have to check in at 3:00. This is so different from how I expected it to be - but I think it will be good. We have a plan. We have the kids all taken care of, we can notify people so they can make plans to be at the hospital if they want to, I even have visitors starting to line up for Friday! LOL. So different than going into labor at some off the wall hour and having to scramble for stuff. So I figured that since Chris and I wanted so badly for this experience to be different from the other 6 kids of course something had to go awry. Well - I have had the past my due date went into labor naturally (Taylor), and the my water broke 10 days early (Alex) and Chris has had the water break (Andrew), the emergency C-Section (Tyler), the regular delivery but omg something is wrong with the baby (Dylan), and the regular walk into the hospital in labor (Zach) - but neither of us ever had the planned c-section delivery. So it must be a blessing in disguise! Our very own, very first baby will enter the world in a way unlike any of its siblings did. Kinda cool!

Doc said I should be discharged by Sunday. It's perfect really. My mom will be here Sat. so I will have my right hand man taking care of me and the baby, and my right hand woman taking care of everything else! Now all we hope is that they pull out a very healthy baby, that it doesn't have any hip issues from being breech, that it doesn't have any lung/breathing issues from being a c-section, that I recover without a problem, that the baby nurses well, etc. I have always kinda wanted pics of my newborn with that perfectly round little c-section head! No cone heads here!

I just hope no nightmare scenario happens - like I get an infection or some stupid shit. Or god forbid something were wrong with our baby. Holy CRAP I'm havin a baby tomorrow!!!!!!!! Wow.

Who knew 24 hours could be so long?

Minutes seem like hours, hours seem like days. Days? They seem like YEARS!! I am so ready to have this child. The kind soul in my tummy kept me up again last night kicking the holy hell out of me. Even Chris, once again, kept getting kneed in the back from baby G. Now that we know exactly how the baby is positioned, we can totally tell if it is a kick, knee, or punch coming from in there. And the head-butts into my ribs are really enjoyable.

So I go to the doc tomorrow to hear what the rest of my week will consist of. My guess is that I will have the section sometime Friday, God please let it be in the morning, so I will spend most of Wed. making plans (again) and most of Thursday making sure everything is ready at the house, groceries are bought, etc. My mommy comes in on Sat, thank God, and I gave her the run down on all her duties. She will be on full kid patrol, taking them to school, picking them up, taking them to their extracurricular activities, etc. She's like "Mit, I can do everything if Chris will just be there to change Dylan's diapers!" LOL!! No, Mom, I wont ask you to change a 12 and a half year olds diapers. THAT is a little over the top! So I have lists to make for my mom too. It's not like I wont be right here in the house, and Chris as well, it's more that I would rather things just run smoothly downstairs while I am resting upstairs. But she did say she would be bringing me all my meals to my bed! Yes!! This c-section might not be as horrible as I am making it out to be! :)

My biggest concern is the moments after the birth, naturally. I wont be able to hold my baby and that kills me. But I know Chris will be there, he will hold the baby, he will follow the baby everywhere, he will stay in the nursery with the baby and when I am finally in recovery Chris will bring me the baby. Then I will get to hold and feed the baby. So we are probably going to ask all visitors to come to the hospital after I am in recovery. I am getting antsy thinking about other people handling the baby before I do, so it will ease my mind to just have Chris at the hospital with no one else to worry about except for little baby G, and when the 3 of us have had time to recoup from the c-section and I have had time to try to feed the baby, which will be more difficult after the c-section and I really don't want any one in there while I am dealing with the pain and the latching on and all that shit for the first time. So hopefully the surgery will be in the morning, and by the early afternoon all the baby's family and friends can come to the hospital and meet our new addition. This will be the plan any day that I deliver... OH! And I'm thinking we wont tell the sex of the baby over the phone. If you want to know what it is you will have to come to the hospital! LOL. Just because I enjoy driving everyone crazy :) Although I have my doubts that Chris will be able to keep his mouth shut. But once he tells one person, everyone will know. One person calls another who calls another, and our big surprise is blown! I had imagined that everyone would be outside the room when I delivered vaginally, and Chris would come out of the door and yell "It's a _______!!!" But since that can't happen now because clearly this baby likes to challenge all of my OCD control issues, we have to think of another fun way to let people know the sex. Hmmm. I'm going to ponder that for the next few days. Maybe we will keep the baby all bundled up in the hospital and when I get home we can have an unveiling of the gender. Haha. So for days no one would know if they were holding a boy or a girl. THAT would be a real kick in the pants for us!

Alright - well that's the story. After my appt. tomorrow I should be updating here to let you peeps know the deal. Or maybe I wont and I will keep it all a secret because honestly I am having such anxiety about how this is going to unfold. I can't wait to be over this part and just have my tiny baby with me in my arms.

Home from version ... Still pregnant

Obviously, the version didn't work. Stubborn little thing. So it was horrible, more horrible than I thought it would be, more horrible than I allowed myself to imagine it could be. Horrible. The Dr. tried and tried, and then called in another Dr. so both of them could try some more, but no. Nope. Little baby G would snuggle right back where he/she was as soon as they took the pressure off and put the ultrasound on. I cannot believe that I am going to have a c-section. I am so irritated by the thought of it - them whisking my baby away from me, taking it to the nursery, so I can't even hold it for a half hour, or more. Staying in the hospital for 2 days. TWO DAYS. But a healthy baby and a healthy mommy are the most important. At least that's what they tell me. Ha.

So the plan is this: If I don't go into labor before next Wednesday, I go in for my appt. and schedule the section. It will be Thursday or Friday. My mom flys in Saturday so at least she will be here to help with the kids, which is perfect. Since I wont be home for two (god damn) days. The one thing Doc did say was he would look more into my request of having the version done after I have had an epidural, and since I would be in for a c-section he might be willing to try and vert the baby after the epidural and before he does the c-section. If that works, yay, I get to have a vaginal delivery. If not, they wheel me back for the section. But as he said, he was pushing about as hard as he could push, and our little baby was not budging.

Chris is now convinced it is a girl, because he said a boy would never be that stubborn. The poor man must not be aware of how stubborn my offspring can be! Haha. Either way, we know now that this is most certainly its mothers child.

I'm off to research-to-death c-sections.

We have a plan

Version attempt on Friday - if it is successful we are having a baby!

If not, we wait for labor to start and if it hasn't turned we do the section.

Let's hope it works!!!

Naughty Baby

My baby is breach. Suddenly. Went from last weeks "looking great I think I feel a head you are at 1 cm" to todays "you are a good 2 cm and I need the ultrasound machine, I feel something that is either a hand or a butt." It was a butt. The head is firmly planted right under my right rib cage. The saddest thing for me is that I can feel the left side by my ribs and there is clearly nothing there, but on the right side there is a firm round little (god damn mother fucking) head. GRRRR.

So we could have had an external version where he tries to move the baby back around. But then the baby could just go back to breach. We could wait and do nothing. We chose to do nothing. I go back in next Wednesday for my 39 week appointment and we will see then if the baby has moved or not. If I go into labor between now and then - we do an ultrasound and see if the baby has moved or not. If it moved, we proceed with vaginal birth. If it has not moved - I can either try to deliver vaginally with the baby breach or go for a c-section. Probably the one thing I fear more than a c-section (other than the obvious death/retardation/deformity) is having an emergency c-section. The last thing I want to do is be exhausted from labor, drugged on pain meds, not thinking clearly, and have to be suddenly rushed into an operating room without my husband to get a distressed baby out of me.

So. If I go into labor, and the baby is still breach, I will have a c-section. If the baby moves between now and when I go into labor, I will have a vaginal delivery. If I am still pregnant next Wednesday and the baby is still breach, we have to decide if we want to try an external version or not at that point. But obviously, the bigger the baby gets the less chance we have that it will turn or will respond to the version.

I am not a happy camper.

More pics of baby stuff

Belly and nursery pics

There are more on myspace too. I will post one more blog with a few more pics, but this site only allows 5 per post so I'm not going to continue with post after post of just pictures. You get the idea!

An Interesting Evening

Last night was different. I was having some BH like usual, but noticed after about the 4th one that they were not stopping. So I started paying closer attention to them and when they were coming without going crazy and getting a notebook and a pen and writing down the exact minute and all that bullshit. They were maybe every 20 minutes or so. I met Chris for dinner around 5:15 and on the way there I started having pain right above my belly button that would start in my back and radiate out to the front. Ugh. It was so painful in the restaurant that even Chris was asking me if I was going to be alright. I was. I got up to try and walk around a little, went to the bathroom, and had 2 contractions. Came back and kept contracting. But they weren't painful or anything, just more uncomfortable and irritating to me. We come home and I go upstairs, get a glass of water and lay on my side; the old trick to stop the fake contractions. But they don't stop. They kept up until after 9 o'clock!!! 5 or so hours of this shit!!! Chris kept asking if the baby was moving - this is his measure for everything - and the baby was moving A LOT. Much more than normal for that time of the day. Something was definitly going on in there.

"Shouldn't you be writing these down?" Chris asked after one of the contractions. "It doesn't matter, I am not going to the hospital tonight" was my response. Because here is what I know: If I a in labor, I will know it. Something will happen so that I cannot guess otherwise. Either I will continue to have contractions and they will continue to grow in their intensity until I can no longer stand them, at which point I will go to the hospital. Or, I will have contractions until my water breaks, at which point I will go to the hospital. At SOME point it is inevitable that one of these 2 things will happen. I do not have a need nor a desire to go to the hospital and be sent home. I have had 2 children and never been sent home, and I don't intend to start now. I would much rather be in my own home, with my own things, than sitting or laying in some hospital waiting for them to tell me when I can leave or whatever. As long as my baby was moving, I could hear the heartbeat, and I was managing the pain, I wasn't moving. Period.

So pretty much the contractions came and went throughout the night, but they didn't keep me awake or anything. Whenever I would wake up to pee I would have one or two. I am still crampy feeling and having them every so often even now. But certainly I am not in labor. Perhaps on my way to labor, but it's not happening, like, now. I told Chris if I want to go to my appt. on Monday having made any progress, I am going to have to go through this. I would much rather do it slowly over days and weeks and go to the hospital at 4 or 5 like I did with Alex than go in at the first signs and perhaps, yes, be admitted, but be at 1 or 2 and have to sit in the hospital prison with Pit running through my veins because I couldn't let the little bean take its time.

Yay

The eviction process has started! I am 1 cm dilated. Yippee!!! Of course, no effacement or anything yet - but hell maybe just maybe I wont be pregnant all the way till the 17th! I asked a very tired doctor who was busy delivering babies all day and night and still had more to go today if it was normal to dilate before effacing and he said not in 1st babies but after that anything can happen. I said "so 3 more weeks?" He said "it could be tonight, you just never know!" I highly doubt that, but maybe another 2 weeks. That just sounds better than three and a half weeks.

This actually happened. To me. Today.

Let me set the scene. Chris is driving and I am in the passenger seat, we are in the Tahoe. We had just had a nice lunch, went to Baskin Robbins for some dessert, and casually strolled around the shopping center in Granite Bay with that new sunglass store and Home Goods. We were heading on to either Target or Walmart, we weren't exactly sure. We were coming up Douglas, from Granite Bay into Roseville, Kaiser was on our right. Chris must have said something incredibly funny, though right now I couldn't recall what it was to save my life. But I was laughing, then suddenly choking. I couldn't get any air at all, I was gasping/coughing/laughing when suddenly I vomit into my mouth. Chris was really driving fast, I remember everything looking like a blur outside the window as I glanced out to see if I should roll down my window. Unsure of what was happening, Chris continues to drive, but he is looking at me, then forward, then at me, forward, finally I swallow the vomit but I still can't breathe. Like, at all. Then next thing you know a huge amount of throw up comes up. I'm trying to cover my mouth with my hand - it's my Tahoe after all - and I am trying to roll down the window but the fucking thing is child locked. I have to breathe or I am going to pass out so as I breathe in I inhale all the vomit that is in my mouth and now my nose is clogged, my mouth is full, I am coughing, I am trapped in the mother fucking car, Chris is practically on 2 wheels squeeling around the corner and I am hitting the god damn door lock (I KNOW you are NOT laughing right now...!!!!!) finally I get the door open and barf outside, with one leg and half my body out the car and Chris holding onto my shirt with one hand and the steering wheel with the other. We stop, he throws me a napkin, I blow the barf out of my nose which makes me throw up again all over the side of my god damn truck and on the street. I realize that I really should have done my Kegels because everytime I cough or something pee comes out. Meanwhile my phone rings, who would be calling at a time like this? I yell (my sister, naturally). I think we sat there for about 3 and a half minutes with me wiping myself off, and Chris just looses it completely - he starts cracking up - now he can't breathe, his eyes are watering, I am sitting in my own urine and vomit, my LORD!

STOP LAUGHING!

Finally things are coming back together, he gingerly pulls away from the curb, and in the calmest and most serious voice he says "So. What happened?" And he is still alive.

Get this kid outta me.