A butterfly lives within me

I started feeling flutters 2 days ago - and I didn't want to post about it until I KNEW it was the baby.... it happens everyday about the same time, when I sit in the same position, and am very still and everything is quiet, and I researched it and YES, you CAN feel the baby starting in the 14th week, which I am in today. Since this is my third pregnancy, and I am very in tune with my body (honestly I think any woman who has gone through IVF is in tune with her body from weeks and months of over-analyzing every single feeling in her body trying to figure out the ultimate question, "did it work?") it is possible to feel it earlier, so the 2 days early when I first felt it I feel accounts for it. So we officially have movement in the belly!! YAY!!

** Note to Baby G: Mommy can feel you moving! Daddy cried the first time I felt you, he is so happy to be having you. We talk about you all the time and we can't wait to meet you in about 24 weeks!!!! **

I am starting to feel more and more normal again, finally. Now I just have to let my body convince my mind that things are getting back to normal. My mind still thinks we are going to get sick if we move, eat, don't eat, lay down, sit up, etc. so as soon as my mind and my body are back in sync I should be back to being the super-mom super-wife super-student super-woman!! My husband and children will be happy to have the woman in their lives back to doing everything for them!

My kids. How wonderful are my kids?!? Let me tell you something about my kids. Taylor, Alex, Dylan, and Zachary are the most wonderful children. Taylor the other night was sitting next to me and it was about 8:15 and I needed to put Dylan to bed, so I said "be right back I have to go put Dyl to bed." I had not yet put him in his jammies. So she tells me "I already did it." My baby girl changed her baby brother, put his pajamas on, read him a story, brushed his teeth, and put him into his bed WITHOUT being asked to do it and WITHOUT coming down and bragging about it. She just did it for me. I said to her "why did you do that?" And she simply said "to help you." Amazing. Alex has been helping so much - he does things without being asked to and without arguing with me. Dylan can't really help but he comes to my tummy all the time and says "my baby" with his little hand on it, I tell him "no MY baby" and he says "No, MY baby," it is the cutest thing. And little Zach is the cutest too. The minute he sees me the first thing he asks me is "how ya feelin?" and "how is the baby doin?" AND the other day the ice cream man came and I asked him to run out and get me something, I said "surprise me!" So he brings me back this sparkly pink strawberry ice cream. Chris asked him "why did you get that one for mom?" and Zachy said "I thought the baby would like a pink one because I think it's a girl!!" Although Andrew isn't here very much anymore, being 16 and driving who ever sees him except his girlfriend - but he still asks me first thing "How are you feeling, how is the baby, are you showing yet?" and he is involved in his way. If it is a boy the middle name will be Christopher, and we asked Andrew if he was okay with the baby having his middle name. I think he was honored, he seemed very proud. We will give the baby, if it is a boy, Andrew's initials. ACG - Chris says, so his oldest and youngest are both ACG. I think that means a lot to Andrew.

I just love being able to give this oppurtunity to the kids - I think it is so cool because they are all old enough to remember everything about it and will always remember their baby brother or sister coming into this world, and their mommy being pregnant. This whole thing is not only amazing for Chris and I, but so great and wonderful and amazing for our whole family. We have always been a very close family, there have never been lines in our family about who is your kid or my kid, your mom or my mom or your dad or my dad, there is none of that. We are FAMILY, moms dads sons daughters brothers sisters. So having this baby wouldn't be necessary to bring our family together, but it sure will bond us in just another way, someone who belongs to all of of us not only in our hearts and minds, but by blood. I have had a lot of time to reflect a lot on what this baby means not only to me, but to every member of my family. To Chris, Taylor, Dylan, Alex, Zach - to our family unit. And I can tell this baby right now, at 14 weeks pregnant, that you are going to have more love than you could ever know what to do with, and you are such a gift to the Greenhalgh family, and that you are SO lucky to be born into this family, with this mommy and daddy who want you more than we want anything in the world, with brothers and a sister who are going to love and cherish and spoil you rotten!!!

Okay, so obviously I am still hormonal..... :)

Ya know, Chris and I have been best friends for almost 8 years, since we have been together, and we would have remained married and best friends until the day one of us died, actually until both of us died, and we would NOT have needed a baby to keep us married or to keep us happy. We had known and decided long ago that we would never have a child together, and we have always known that having a child together was something we didn't need. But we wanted to, and were able to recognize that dream (through lots of money, time, pain, etc.) and I can say that it has made our love, not deeper, but different. When he hugs me as we sit in the booth of a restaurant, and has his arms around me, and he is rubbing my little tummy bump, and when he leaves in the morning he says "let me kiss baby" there is something different happening there. Something so intimate. And to love someone the way we love each other, it honestly, completely honestly feels so intense that it brings tears to our eyes. When I imagine how he will be there next to me while I am having his child, holding my hand and looking into my eyes, exerting the control over me to calm me down in a way that no one else in this entire world has ever or will ever be able to do, it makes me tear up too.

Okay. Well, that blog should make up for all my short blogs and boring blogs and not blogging at all!!! I told you I am back to feeling normal again!!! :)