My third pregnancy

This is technically my third pregnancy. However, it feels so much like my first. Not literally - it does not feel the same way my first pregnancy felt, it feels like it is the first time I have been pregnant at all. Don't get me wrong, I still compare this pregnancy with the first 2, and I am sure as time goes on I will do so more and more. This time around, I am such a different person. Eleven years will do that, and there is no doubt that there is a very big difference between a 20 year old and a 30 year old!

Everything feels new, like a first. I am married to a different man, and we are having our first child together. The first main difference is that I have been with this man for over 7 years, versus about 2 years with my first 2 children's father. Chris and I are married and have been for almost 4 years. Ryan and I were not yet married when I got pregnant (planning the big wedding already, yes.) Chris and I had planned a life with no children together, and now we have found a way to make our baby. The planning of it has been so much different, and I think that is one of the biggest differences for Chris. He feels so different because for the first time in his life, out of 4 previous children, he planned this one. He had not planned on any of the first 4 - and that comes as a big deal to him that we worked so hard to have this child. We own our home, he has a wonderful good paying secure job with great benefits, we have a retirement fund, we are really grown-ups!

I was just reflecting on this a little and thought it would be an interesting blog, mostly because I want to have this as sort of a memoir of my thoughts and feelings through IVF and pregnancy, and this feeling is one I want to capture. Also - this little bean has already had it's picture taken 3 times, and I am only 11 weeks along today! Things have changed so much from my earlier pregnancies. They offer as a standard a "dating ultrasound" at your first prenatal appointment - to make sure your dating is correct and that your due date is based on the actual size of the fetus and not your best guess of when your last period was. Of course we knew the actual date of conception so our due date was right - April 17, 2008. But that was new, and the 4d ultrasounds you can get a little later on in pregnancy are new. And all the things to buy! the swings that go in 8 different directions, the pack and plays that have music and vibrate, the bassinets that rock, even the carseat/stroller combo was not around the last time I did this! We are just so excited about the shopping alone!

This time is such a different experience, and maybe that is partly because I went into it with a different mindset than before. Becoming pregnant naturally is wonderful, but having to try so hard and go through so much, the shots and surgeries and more shots, the hoping and waiting and knowing every single step your little embryo is undergoing in its quest for life, it really does make us appreciate the miracle living inside of me so much. Chris loves to hug his baby, and whenever I throw up I crawl into bed and he puts his arms around my tummy and holds us. He asks me every day how his baby is. I am already talking to the little bean!

My third pregnancy is wonderful!