Does time actually stop - or is it just me?

I think these next 8-ish weeks will be the longest of my life. Time has slowly been slowing down, and I am concerned that it will actually completely stop before too long. I know this happens towards the end of pregnancy, but I hoped it would not happen to me because I had planned on enjoying each and every second of this pregnancy. And I am. But I am also ready to have my baby, in my arms, at my breast, on daddy's chest. I am ready.

I was not aware how much I missed having a baby. I know I don't actually have the baby yet, but the getting ready has really made me remember so many things that I forgot. All the little diapers, the baby clothes, the onesies, the bibs, the pacifires, the nursing bras and nursing pads and nursing camis, all the toys and supplies. Then there is just the having of someone who needs you and relies on you completely for their life. Then there is the baby smell, the baby sounds, those precious little scents and noises that only last for such a short time. When I had my first 2 I was so young, and they were so close together, and it was my first time as a parent, that I just didn't realize how fast certain things go by, and then they are just gone. Never again to see a toothless smile, never again to have baby throw up on your shirt, never again to listen to your infant make those gulping sounds as they nurse. The little clothes that they only fit into for a few months, and then poof! they are too small and they will never ever be that size again.

I have been spending lots of time with my kids half-sister, my ex-husbands little girl. She is so special and precious. She makes me see more ways that little kids are so unique and special, and that this age, she is almost 3, is so precious when they are learning so many things, asking so many questions, trying to understand things. How they just play and talk to themselves, talk to their stuffed animals, it is so amazing. I will be taking so much video of our baby so that I don't lose any of this time. I need need need to videotape my tummy moving before I give birth, because that is another thing I never want to forget.

So even though the days are getting longer, the baby is getting bigger, and I am getting more uncomfortable, I know that in just 8 weeks or less I will give birth for what may be the last time. I will feel those kicks, rolls, punches, and hiccups, for what may be the last time. I will have a living tiny human being inside of me for what may be the last time. With Alex, I was not prepared for that to be the last time. Not that I planned on having another baby, but it was just not something I really thought about. Or if I did, I was too young at 21 to understand and grasp with "the last time" really meant. The finality of it all. And even though this time Chris and I are still open to the possibility of another pregnancy being in our future, particularly if this baby is a boy, I still fully comprehend that this is likely to be the last time. I am treating it as if it were the last time. And I am so. so. so. SO. thankful that I have had this oppurtunity to become a mother again. To unite with my husband, the love of my life, my soulmate, in this way. To be able to look at this baby, the crystal clear 4d ultrasound pictures, with Chris and have us saying "that looks like your nose, that is definitly your chin, I think those will be your lips" and to know in less than 2 months we will be laying in our bed, our child between us, saying those same things. We will be able to say "Well I see where she gets her temper from" "he sure seems to have your patience" ......... things that I never knew I wanted, needed, craved, or missed.

I truly feel so lucky and so blessed to have such a wonderful, dedicated, loving, caring, patient, amazing husband. One who is not afraid to love his wife with everything he has, one who is not embarassed to love and play with his children, one who is able to give himself 100% to his family, physically, mentally, and emotionally. It seems so odd to me that such a perfect and amazing man is actually divorced, because I cannot for one second imagine a more perfect husband and father. I cannot phathom how someone could have let him go. But now he is mine, has been for almost 8 years now, and I will not ever make the hideous mistake of letting him get away from me. Not ever. Together, we are awaiting the birth of our miracle, and I ask myself each and every day, can it possibly get better than this?