Naughty Baby

My baby is breach. Suddenly. Went from last weeks "looking great I think I feel a head you are at 1 cm" to todays "you are a good 2 cm and I need the ultrasound machine, I feel something that is either a hand or a butt." It was a butt. The head is firmly planted right under my right rib cage. The saddest thing for me is that I can feel the left side by my ribs and there is clearly nothing there, but on the right side there is a firm round little (god damn mother fucking) head. GRRRR.

So we could have had an external version where he tries to move the baby back around. But then the baby could just go back to breach. We could wait and do nothing. We chose to do nothing. I go back in next Wednesday for my 39 week appointment and we will see then if the baby has moved or not. If I go into labor between now and then - we do an ultrasound and see if the baby has moved or not. If it moved, we proceed with vaginal birth. If it has not moved - I can either try to deliver vaginally with the baby breach or go for a c-section. Probably the one thing I fear more than a c-section (other than the obvious death/retardation/deformity) is having an emergency c-section. The last thing I want to do is be exhausted from labor, drugged on pain meds, not thinking clearly, and have to be suddenly rushed into an operating room without my husband to get a distressed baby out of me.

So. If I go into labor, and the baby is still breach, I will have a c-section. If the baby moves between now and when I go into labor, I will have a vaginal delivery. If I am still pregnant next Wednesday and the baby is still breach, we have to decide if we want to try an external version or not at that point. But obviously, the bigger the baby gets the less chance we have that it will turn or will respond to the version.

I am not a happy camper.

More pics of baby stuff

Belly and nursery pics

There are more on myspace too. I will post one more blog with a few more pics, but this site only allows 5 per post so I'm not going to continue with post after post of just pictures. You get the idea!

An Interesting Evening

Last night was different. I was having some BH like usual, but noticed after about the 4th one that they were not stopping. So I started paying closer attention to them and when they were coming without going crazy and getting a notebook and a pen and writing down the exact minute and all that bullshit. They were maybe every 20 minutes or so. I met Chris for dinner around 5:15 and on the way there I started having pain right above my belly button that would start in my back and radiate out to the front. Ugh. It was so painful in the restaurant that even Chris was asking me if I was going to be alright. I was. I got up to try and walk around a little, went to the bathroom, and had 2 contractions. Came back and kept contracting. But they weren't painful or anything, just more uncomfortable and irritating to me. We come home and I go upstairs, get a glass of water and lay on my side; the old trick to stop the fake contractions. But they don't stop. They kept up until after 9 o'clock!!! 5 or so hours of this shit!!! Chris kept asking if the baby was moving - this is his measure for everything - and the baby was moving A LOT. Much more than normal for that time of the day. Something was definitly going on in there.

"Shouldn't you be writing these down?" Chris asked after one of the contractions. "It doesn't matter, I am not going to the hospital tonight" was my response. Because here is what I know: If I a in labor, I will know it. Something will happen so that I cannot guess otherwise. Either I will continue to have contractions and they will continue to grow in their intensity until I can no longer stand them, at which point I will go to the hospital. Or, I will have contractions until my water breaks, at which point I will go to the hospital. At SOME point it is inevitable that one of these 2 things will happen. I do not have a need nor a desire to go to the hospital and be sent home. I have had 2 children and never been sent home, and I don't intend to start now. I would much rather be in my own home, with my own things, than sitting or laying in some hospital waiting for them to tell me when I can leave or whatever. As long as my baby was moving, I could hear the heartbeat, and I was managing the pain, I wasn't moving. Period.

So pretty much the contractions came and went throughout the night, but they didn't keep me awake or anything. Whenever I would wake up to pee I would have one or two. I am still crampy feeling and having them every so often even now. But certainly I am not in labor. Perhaps on my way to labor, but it's not happening, like, now. I told Chris if I want to go to my appt. on Monday having made any progress, I am going to have to go through this. I would much rather do it slowly over days and weeks and go to the hospital at 4 or 5 like I did with Alex than go in at the first signs and perhaps, yes, be admitted, but be at 1 or 2 and have to sit in the hospital prison with Pit running through my veins because I couldn't let the little bean take its time.

Yay

The eviction process has started! I am 1 cm dilated. Yippee!!! Of course, no effacement or anything yet - but hell maybe just maybe I wont be pregnant all the way till the 17th! I asked a very tired doctor who was busy delivering babies all day and night and still had more to go today if it was normal to dilate before effacing and he said not in 1st babies but after that anything can happen. I said "so 3 more weeks?" He said "it could be tonight, you just never know!" I highly doubt that, but maybe another 2 weeks. That just sounds better than three and a half weeks.

This actually happened. To me. Today.

Let me set the scene. Chris is driving and I am in the passenger seat, we are in the Tahoe. We had just had a nice lunch, went to Baskin Robbins for some dessert, and casually strolled around the shopping center in Granite Bay with that new sunglass store and Home Goods. We were heading on to either Target or Walmart, we weren't exactly sure. We were coming up Douglas, from Granite Bay into Roseville, Kaiser was on our right. Chris must have said something incredibly funny, though right now I couldn't recall what it was to save my life. But I was laughing, then suddenly choking. I couldn't get any air at all, I was gasping/coughing/laughing when suddenly I vomit into my mouth. Chris was really driving fast, I remember everything looking like a blur outside the window as I glanced out to see if I should roll down my window. Unsure of what was happening, Chris continues to drive, but he is looking at me, then forward, then at me, forward, finally I swallow the vomit but I still can't breathe. Like, at all. Then next thing you know a huge amount of throw up comes up. I'm trying to cover my mouth with my hand - it's my Tahoe after all - and I am trying to roll down the window but the fucking thing is child locked. I have to breathe or I am going to pass out so as I breathe in I inhale all the vomit that is in my mouth and now my nose is clogged, my mouth is full, I am coughing, I am trapped in the mother fucking car, Chris is practically on 2 wheels squeeling around the corner and I am hitting the god damn door lock (I KNOW you are NOT laughing right now...!!!!!) finally I get the door open and barf outside, with one leg and half my body out the car and Chris holding onto my shirt with one hand and the steering wheel with the other. We stop, he throws me a napkin, I blow the barf out of my nose which makes me throw up again all over the side of my god damn truck and on the street. I realize that I really should have done my Kegels because everytime I cough or something pee comes out. Meanwhile my phone rings, who would be calling at a time like this? I yell (my sister, naturally). I think we sat there for about 3 and a half minutes with me wiping myself off, and Chris just looses it completely - he starts cracking up - now he can't breathe, his eyes are watering, I am sitting in my own urine and vomit, my LORD!

STOP LAUGHING!

Finally things are coming back together, he gingerly pulls away from the curb, and in the calmest and most serious voice he says "So. What happened?" And he is still alive.

Get this kid outta me.

36 weeks today

Today I am officially 36 weeks. So many of my friends/fellow bloggers have their dates already. And even though some of them are 2 weeks after my due date, these are certain dates. Dates of c-sections or inductions. Dates that they know they will not go beyond. It is an end in sight. A light at the end of the tunnel. I do not have one of these dates. And while I really like the idea of allowing my body and my baby to decide when I will go into labor, and I do not want to rush this baby out of it perfect amniotic cocktail and into the painful harsh world, I desperatly want to meet my child. I am dying to know if it is a boy or a girl. I want the next phase of this. I want sleepless nights, breastfeeding, sore boobs, dirty newborn diapers, endless hours of pacing the hallway bouncing and patting and humming, rocking, swadling, singing, picking out the socks and hat to go with the matching onesie, spring day walks with an infant in my moby wrap. You get the idea. I want my baby. And I want it N-O-W. I want one more week, to 37 weeks (which is term) and then I want to have the baby. But I fear that I will go to the due date or beyond. And 4 weeks is really such a short amount of time. It is less than a month. But when you are looking so forward to something, time just stops. And in my world, time has stopped.

I lost more of my mp yesterday. We were taking the kids to the movies, and I made a pit stop before the movie started and there it was all over the toilet paper. This is the 2nd time it has happened. But I am not really having contractions, I have maybe 2 a day that take my breath away. There is no way those are doing a single thing except maybe getting my body ready for the real productive contractions. When I go in on Monday for my check up I don't expect to have made any progress. I expect him to say I am still high, thick, and closed up! I know Alex came 10 days early, but he was a big baby and he was born 14 months after his sister. I think my body was so ready at that time. Anyway, I am in no way anticipating going into labor early, or even any time soon. But I am anxious for when it will be here. I feel that it would be an easier row to hoe if I knew a date.

I want to congratulate Kate and TD on the arrival of their little girl yesterday morning!! Kate is a fellow blogger who I found when I was brand new to blogging and I had just come home from my transfer. I was in the 2 ww and she had just come out of hers and was 5 weeks ahead of me. She helped me get through some anxious times and not stress out on every little symptom. I am so happy for them and for their new arrival. What a lucky little girl!

36 week check-up

Went to the Dr yesterday for the 36 week check up. I LOST weight!! I lost almost 3 pounds. I think it was because I was so nauseated and actually throwing up, and also because I have been nesting a tiny bit so I have been a little more active. I was also waiting until after my shower to do a lot of shopping, so I have been getting out and about more the last 2 weeks getting things to finalize having all the necessary (and some seriously UN-necessary) stuff. So between eating less and doing more I have lost weight. My Dr. is very un-concerned with my weight at all. He never mentions it at all, so that leads me to believe that it must be fine. I asked him if the baby was growing all right since I had lost the few pounds, and he said the baby is "spot on" for where it should be. So I guess I should be happy - less to shed after I give birth!

I had to get some labs done to make sure the nausea and vomiting isn't from an infection. I will find out the results at my appt. next Monday. I am going once a week now until the bambino(a) is born. That's exciting. I had a perfect stranger tell me today that I look like I have dropped. I know I am carrying low, but I don't care for strangers to comment on it.

We bought another piece of baby furniture over the weekend. The one thing Chris has wanted was a rocking cradle. I have never had one so it wasn't extremely important to me. But I guess this was his life saver when his boys were babies, and he wanted one this time too. It is weird to have a man who actually has an opinion on such matters. The way he talks he sounds like a mother. "I would get up, change their diaper, feed them, and then lay them in the cradle by my bed and I could rock it to get them back to sleep while I dosed off. It worked GREAT!" I am not used to a man who got up, changed, fed, and cared for the newborns. Especially since I was/am a breastfeeder, this kind of thing would have been impossible. But none of Chris's 4 boys were breastfed, so he was the man of the hour when the boys came home. He said the other day to his family at dinner - "I'm not going to be able to do everything this time, and I don't know if I am going to like it!" The breastfeeding world is completely foreign to him. He is so excited and thankful that our baby will be breastfed. He is very appreciative that I will do that - to me it is part of the package. I mean, it's just how it is. Breastfeeding is just another part of having a baby, like a continuation of pregnancy. It isn't optional in my mind. But anyway - he got his cradle last weekend and it is SO cute. I can't even tell you how adorable it is. And it totally matches our other funiture. Everything looks so awesome and perfect. Everything is exactly how we had talked about it being before we got pregnant. Now all we need is the bean to be born! (Another week and a half and the pressure will really be on that baby!)

Dear Baby

Hi little baby. It's your punching bag mother just writing to say hello. You have, at MOST, 5 more weeks inside of my very hospitable womb lounging in your warm bath of amniotic fluid and then your OUT. And I don't want you getting any stupid ideas of hanging out in there past the 17th of April. Do you got that little one? Not one day. I have provided you with everything you need while I have gone without, and I am not doing it one day longer than is required. You are to cook in there for 40 weeks, of which 40 weeks will be over on April 17th. Capiche, oh precious son or daughter? Comprende? Great.

You have not been very nice to mommy lately. You seem to think that the world revolves around you (who am I kidding, it so does), and that you don't have to leave any room or energy for me. We are sharing this body, kid. It was mine for 31 years before you inhabited it, and other than when I had to share it with your sister and brother, it has been all mine. But you seem to think that it is all yours, which pains me in more ways than one because it means you truly are your father's child. I need those ribs, yes, the ones you have bruised and stretched and that you lounge under for hours on end. I also need whatever it is you are pushing and pulling on over there on the right. These are parts of mommy that are necessary for me to live after you exit, and baby, please stop making me throw up. We are going to have to learn to get along around here. You want me to eat cayenne pepper before your first meal? I didn't think so. So let's get something straight here. I control what goes into your little precious system for at LEAST the first 6 months of your life. You start showing mommy some respect or it will be hot and spicy going in, and who knows what coming out. Are we clear?

Now don't get me wrong daniel-son. Your parents and siblings and what seems to be the rest of the free world cannot wait to meet you. Countless people have spend hundred, nay, thousands of dollars making sure you, YOU, have everything your little infant heart might desire. And okay, the Coach diaper bag was something mommy's heart really desired. But none-the-less, we are very anxious for your arrival into our lives. But do you have to make our last few weeks together so painful? I think perhaps you are just tall like your daddy, and since mommy is short there just isn't a lot of room for you in there. But mommy has 4 other kids to take care of! I can't lay in the only position you allow me to be comfortbale in all day long. We have to compromise. I promise not to eat another bite of mexican food if you will pretty please let me breathe.

Everything is ready for you. Last night daddy freaked out because it suddenly dawned on him that the carseat is not yet in the car. Yes, we have 5 weeks to go, but daddy decided the car seat must be installed, now. So today momma is going to have the nice police officers do it so we know you will be all secure in the back of the Tahoe on your way home. We have everything you could possibly need little one, so wait about 2 more weeks then what do you say you come a little early? The thing is, I don't want you playing with that cord in there, ok? There have been some very tragic things happening to other babies about your age, and their mommy's and daddy's don't ever get to bring those little guys home in their very special police installed car seats. So you don't need to do some fancy acrobatics because no one can see you anyway, and you keep your head away from that cord. You just sit still in there for a couple more weeks and then you are to give mommy a very easy and short labor and we will all be a big happy family. We have come so far from when you were just an idea in mommy and daddy's head that day last March when we were sitting in our boat deciding to have you, to being in a little vile that was taken out of daddy and rushed to Deb's safe hands by mommy, and cleaned and added to the other half of you that was taken out of mommy, and put safely into the iuncubator for 5 days to become the perfect little embryo in the picture that is still hanging on the fridge. From that, you have grown to almost 20 inches and over 5 pounds of kicking, punching, rolling, rocking Greenhalgh baby. I can't wait to see you and hold you and feed you and rock you, and to watch, for the first time, your daddy look into your eyes.

So stay healthy, stay away from the cord, stop stretching completely out (the fetal position is fine, curl up and chill!!), and let's make it through these last 5 weeks as easily as we can. You have your whole life to cause me distress. Right now, I just want to breathe.

Preg fucking nant

** Warning - This blog contains pregnancy related content such as the v-word and various information regarding various things involving the v-word. As well as several uses of the f-word. Continue reading at your own risk!!! **



The only good thing is that I am not alone. Other women who are about as far along as me are getting a little stir crazy too. I am still embracing pregnancy, I am still able to realize that, even though it is not all pleasant, this experience is still mine, it is still amazing, it is wanted, and it is special. I want to remember everything, not just the hunky-dory "Oh I love being pregnant this is so wonderful pregnancy is amazing I could be pregnant forever" bullSHIT. Because at 8 months along, I don't care how much you love being pregnant, the shit is miserable sometimes. It's just that fuckin plain and simple.

First, I am totally incapable of bullshit. I mean, on a normal basis I am pretty intolerant of it. But right now I canNOT handle it. People are so fucking stupid! Just as one small example - this morning my perfect, patient, wonderful husband took me to breakfast. Mimi's Cafe has their current seasonal muffin - cinnamon coffee cake. It is to DIE for. So we go there this morning. I have been thinking about that muffin for weeks, it was all I wanted. I order the muffin and a breakfast plate, and I want my muffin first. I wait for probably 10 minutes, and the lady comes to me and says "they ran out of the seasonal muffin and he said they made banana nut instead. Do you want that?" Hmmm. Let me see. Cinnamon coffee cake, banana nut. No, I am not seeing the correlation. "No thank you, I don't want another kind of muffin. Just forget it." That was me being as nice as fuckin possible under the circumstances. So we go on with breakfast, which wasn't good, and we are sitting there as I am looking around for the lady so I can get my check. She comes to the table, where my coffee cup is still full of coffee, and she says to me "Do you need more coffee?" I look down at my full cup, and say "no, I don't think I need MORE coffee. I just need the check." Chris tries so hard not to laugh at me but I imagine it is funny. So the dumb broad brings me the check WITH THE MUFFIN still ON it. Charging me for the god damn MUFFIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is just one example of this shit that goes on all. day. long. Stupid fucking idiot people all over the place. I can't. I just can't.

Then there are my kids. They are just kids, right? They need things from their mother. I totally understand. But God - for ONE DAY can they get along, not argue about absolutly nothing, not ask me for the lamest littlest things, for one day????? They are good kids, they clean up after themselves, they help me a lot, they are concerned about the baby and me and the pregnancy, I know they are really very good kids. But sometimes, oh, just sometimes.

Then there are the aches and pains. Today this pain started in my vagina that is indescribable. These shocking, sharp, shooting pains that take my breath away. It feels like when I was a kid and I accidently fell off my bike seat and onto the bar. It is insane. The websites tell me it is the beginning of dilation. Whatever but it better not fucking last another 6 weeks. I will put my hands up there and pull the child out myself if that shit continues. I am also sick and tired of having wet underwear. Shit just comes out all day and night. I wear a pad, but that is wet too. My back is killing me, my hips hurt. And this kid lives in my ribcage, which has to have expanded because my bra size is now a 38 instead of a 36. DD. Do you realize how large a 38 DD is on a girl who is 5'4" and 115 pre-pregnancy pounds? It is big, ok. Take my word for it.

Yes, I am in the throes of pregnancy woes. All I want to do is eat and sleep. Sometimes read. Occasionally surf the web. But for the most part, eat and sleep and I'm good. I am so unbelievably thankful for my husband, he is truly the best and I cannot even describe how much he helps me, how much he loves me, all the things he does for me and the kids and the house despite working full time. Aside from the precious baby growing inside of me, Chris is the best thing about this pregnancy. I am so glad I got to live through this with him because it has helped me to realize how very dedicated the man is to me and our family. I know how lucky I am. I really, really do.

34 weeks 3 days

Here I am, 34 and a half weeks pregnant. It is still surreal to Chris and I that I am actually pregnant and that, barring any unexpected tradgedy we will be the proud new parents of a tiny baby in a little over a month. I wrote a post about loss and those unepected tradgedy's I am speaking about on my myspace blog and hope and pray that something like that does not happen to us. But I think I am now fully aware that it could. So I speak in terms of having this baby with the full acknowledgement that at any time we could be the victims of a terrible senseless horrific tradgedy.

As far as how I am feeling, I am having a hard time breathing again. Chris asked me if I thought the baby moved back up, and I don't. I think more than likely the baby just grew and filled in the room that was made which gave me one merciful week of breathing regularly. Baby is still moving at the same time every night. I could set my clock that at 8:30 p.m. the rolls and kicks start. Which now I suppose would be about 7:30 since we set the clocks forward last night. I listen to the heartbeat everyday and for the passed few days I have been able to find it within about 30 seconds of putting the doppler on my tummy. It is quite reassuring to have that little toy, but also the longest 30 seconds ever trying to find the beating sound. I often think to myself, how long would I continue to try to find it before I freaked and went to l&d. Hopefully I wont have to find out!

Baby Shower and Dr. Appt.

My baby shower was Sunday and it was super fun! 3 of my favorite people got deathly ill and (thank you) didn't come so they wouldn't get me and the bambino sick - well okay 2 of my favorite people and my mother-in-law. Ha! We had a great time, and it was so great to see everyone. I got such amazing gifts, and that evening I was trying to arrange everything in piles so I could minimize my trips up the stairs. I was sitting surrounded by the gifts and Chris walked by and said "I cannot believe how many clothes this baby has! It isn't even going to be able to wear all of those clothes!!!" And he makes a good point. The baby has received so. many. clothes. it is amazing.

I went out yesterday with my gift cards and purchased the swing to match the pack and play/bassinett that we got on Sunday. I put them both together yesterday and they look so cute! They match our decor so perfectly that I feel like our living room should be in a magazine (if I may say so myself). Now I really (no, honestly) feel like we have everything we would need if the baby came today. Crib, changing table upstairs, pack n play/bassinett/changing table downstairs, swing, carseat, stroller, diapers, onesies, sleepers, outfits, shoes, socks, booties, hats, mittens, bath supplies (athough I need a baby bath still!!!), blankets galore, monitor, breast pump, we have it all. It is very strange to start from literally nothing. Not a hand-me-down in the bunch. It has been amazing to start from scratch, Chris and I starting our own little family, adding to our already large family, but this little slice of Heaven in my tummy is just ours. And it will begin its life with all of its own things, picked out specifically for him/her by very loving, excited, and anxious parents. Chris came to the baby shower - his 5th child and 1st baby shower! He had a great time and it was so nice to share that ritual with him. He even wore the pacifiers around his neck and played the "don't say the word 'baby' game." He had the most for a while, until he had one beer too many and the word slipped! We just want him to be a part of everything that is happening with this baby and he doesn't want to miss a thing. So it was very special that my friends are so welcoming to him - he really is just "one of the girls!" I love him so much!

On another note, we had our 34 week appointment yesterday and the Dr. kindly checked things out up there at my request. He confirmed that the baby has dropped and is head down and engaged, but my cervix is still high and long, which means it has not started to thin out yet. So by the looks of things, we will not have a 34 weeker!! Yay!!! He just told me to take it easy and let him know again if I feel anything out of the ordinary. He said I did the right thing by asking to be examined because I had felt a change and things felt different. "That is exactly the kind of thing I want you to tell me!" he said. I go back in 2 weeks for the 36 week check, and then every week thereafter until I am a mommy again.

Baby has been moving a ton again. The movement slowed down a little the past 2 weeks, but now he or she seems to have acclimated to not having any room and has just decided that it is HIS/HER domain and he or she will move as much as he or she damn well pleases! I grimmace in pain sometimes because it comes so suddenly and with such a shock. I am certain it is right on some nerve or other. It rolls over my bladder too which is the weirdest feeling ever. And last night I threw up! Just out of the blue I was sending something off to the IRS one minute and the next I was in bed begging myself not to throw up. To no avail, I was barfing after about 5 minutes. Poor Chris didn't know what to do! I staggard back to the bed and laid down and he was by my side in an instant begging me to sip some water or eat some toast or crackers. Yogurt wat the only thing that sounded remotly edible, so I had that and some water and feel asleep at 7 o'clock. By 10 when he came to bed I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, but thank God I was feeling much better. My kids are so amazing in those situations, Zach was the worrier last night. He must have peeked his head in my room every half hour, and if I would lift my head up he would softly say "mommy, do you need anything? Does the baby need anything?" So precious!

6 weeks to go!

Gerronimo!!!

I can eat! I can breathe!! Horray!!!

Last night I felt the baby drop. I knew it was happening - I kept getting these little shockwaves of pain down super low, and I thought to myself "He must be 'engaging.'" Then the rest of the night I walked around the house saying "slingshot: ENGAGE!!!" to anyone who would listen, including my dog. This morning I woke up and the first thing I noticed was that I was breathing. Not like pregnant lady panting then stretching up real far and taking a deep breath breathing, but actually breathing unlablored. I went out to lunch, and I ate a whole #3 at Carmelitas by MYself, and I wasnt almost passing out from my inability to simultanously eat and breathe which has plagued me for about 4 months now. It has been an amazing day! Breathtaking, if you will!!!

We are making progress people, progress!!! This little miracle will NOT be stuck inside of my body for the rest of my life!! It's true!!! :)