Dear Baby

Hi little baby. It's your punching bag mother just writing to say hello. You have, at MOST, 5 more weeks inside of my very hospitable womb lounging in your warm bath of amniotic fluid and then your OUT. And I don't want you getting any stupid ideas of hanging out in there past the 17th of April. Do you got that little one? Not one day. I have provided you with everything you need while I have gone without, and I am not doing it one day longer than is required. You are to cook in there for 40 weeks, of which 40 weeks will be over on April 17th. Capiche, oh precious son or daughter? Comprende? Great.

You have not been very nice to mommy lately. You seem to think that the world revolves around you (who am I kidding, it so does), and that you don't have to leave any room or energy for me. We are sharing this body, kid. It was mine for 31 years before you inhabited it, and other than when I had to share it with your sister and brother, it has been all mine. But you seem to think that it is all yours, which pains me in more ways than one because it means you truly are your father's child. I need those ribs, yes, the ones you have bruised and stretched and that you lounge under for hours on end. I also need whatever it is you are pushing and pulling on over there on the right. These are parts of mommy that are necessary for me to live after you exit, and baby, please stop making me throw up. We are going to have to learn to get along around here. You want me to eat cayenne pepper before your first meal? I didn't think so. So let's get something straight here. I control what goes into your little precious system for at LEAST the first 6 months of your life. You start showing mommy some respect or it will be hot and spicy going in, and who knows what coming out. Are we clear?

Now don't get me wrong daniel-son. Your parents and siblings and what seems to be the rest of the free world cannot wait to meet you. Countless people have spend hundred, nay, thousands of dollars making sure you, YOU, have everything your little infant heart might desire. And okay, the Coach diaper bag was something mommy's heart really desired. But none-the-less, we are very anxious for your arrival into our lives. But do you have to make our last few weeks together so painful? I think perhaps you are just tall like your daddy, and since mommy is short there just isn't a lot of room for you in there. But mommy has 4 other kids to take care of! I can't lay in the only position you allow me to be comfortbale in all day long. We have to compromise. I promise not to eat another bite of mexican food if you will pretty please let me breathe.

Everything is ready for you. Last night daddy freaked out because it suddenly dawned on him that the carseat is not yet in the car. Yes, we have 5 weeks to go, but daddy decided the car seat must be installed, now. So today momma is going to have the nice police officers do it so we know you will be all secure in the back of the Tahoe on your way home. We have everything you could possibly need little one, so wait about 2 more weeks then what do you say you come a little early? The thing is, I don't want you playing with that cord in there, ok? There have been some very tragic things happening to other babies about your age, and their mommy's and daddy's don't ever get to bring those little guys home in their very special police installed car seats. So you don't need to do some fancy acrobatics because no one can see you anyway, and you keep your head away from that cord. You just sit still in there for a couple more weeks and then you are to give mommy a very easy and short labor and we will all be a big happy family. We have come so far from when you were just an idea in mommy and daddy's head that day last March when we were sitting in our boat deciding to have you, to being in a little vile that was taken out of daddy and rushed to Deb's safe hands by mommy, and cleaned and added to the other half of you that was taken out of mommy, and put safely into the iuncubator for 5 days to become the perfect little embryo in the picture that is still hanging on the fridge. From that, you have grown to almost 20 inches and over 5 pounds of kicking, punching, rolling, rocking Greenhalgh baby. I can't wait to see you and hold you and feed you and rock you, and to watch, for the first time, your daddy look into your eyes.

So stay healthy, stay away from the cord, stop stretching completely out (the fetal position is fine, curl up and chill!!), and let's make it through these last 5 weeks as easily as we can. You have your whole life to cause me distress. Right now, I just want to breathe.